I've been trying to be away from my thoughts for the last days. I'm hurt and I feel that I have been betrayed for the 100th time. And I feel I can't take it anymore.
I know there wasn't another way, but this one. I knew it could happen some day, but I definitely was not prepared for this right now. I always expect that people will act the same way as I would, but no. They never do. Because humam beings are so unpredictable. You think you know them, you even fall in love with them and then, you just see the "ugly truth" right on your face.
Anyway, if he really was my friend and he really considered me as he wrote in that bloody e-mail message, he would have told me the truth and would not wait for me to see it with my eyes. I guess he just didn't expect we'd meet.
The truth now is that I've been working long hours, taking my body and mind to exhaustion. I realized I don't want to be sitting with myself, cause then I start thinking and then I start crying. I can't stop wondering why things have to be this way. Besides, I try to find what's wrong with me, what I've done wrong (again) and why I am such a non-datable person.
Anyway, I just wish I could disappear for sometime.